Our Guatemalan adoption has stalled out lately. We’re now on day 43 of Referral Wait. The thing is, our agency – named For This Child – has this absurd policy that childless couples who have the audacity to request a specific gender for their first child get to stay on the bottom of the list. That’s right; we stay there.
This means that even though we’ve been waiting 43 days, and someone submits all of their adoption paperwork tomorrow and does NOT specify a gender preference, they immediately move ahead of us in line. Then if a girl becomes available, they will get that referral before us. Likewise, if there is a new a couple who already has a boy, but wants a girl, they also jump ahead of us in the referral list.
As I said, absurd. Apparently this policy is driven entirely by the whims of the agency’s director and not by any actual accepted formula for referral waiting lists. All other agencies we’ve talked too laughed until tears when they heard this, saying it was insane. Of course, For This Child keeps this pecking order a secret until you’ve signed a contract and handed over $6,000. If I had known about this, I would have never signed with them.
Now we just wait and hope enough girls get put up for adoption in Guatemala that we eventually make it to the top of this list. This could be in two weeks, or it could be in two months – we have no idea. Too many variables in play for anyone to make an accurate guess as to when we’d be at the top.
If any of you out there are planning to do an adoption, make sure you join an agency with a first-come, first-serve policy instead of one driven by some nebulous set of values.
8 Responses for "Adoption Status: The Long Wait"
Hi Steve, I just came across your blog and I am so sorry you are going through this! That is the most idiotic policy I have ever heard of! If they didn’t disclose this to you prior to taking your money, I’d demand a refund immediately and find a more honest agency.
I love my agency and would happy to give you their contact information. It’s on a first come first serve basis. They have no problem with your requesting a specific gender. If you have requested a girl and the person after you had no preference and a girl came up – you’d get the referral – plain and simple.
Wishing you and your family a speedy adoption.
Thanks, Julie. The things is: we weighed the pro’s and con’s of time lost between two options:
1. Stay where we are and keep moving up the list slowly but surely
2. Redo some paperwork, and the go to the very bottom of another agency’s waiting list
The time lost to do option 2 doesn’t appear to be worth it. I wish it were.
If you like – I’d be happy to find out how long my agency’s list is. You are waiting on a girl right?
Yes, we want a girl. Is that so wrong? Sorry, just venting a little again.
No judgments here – we wanted a boy our first time out. I inquired at my agency and this is what they said…
“We have 7 families in the works for girls, however only two of them are totally paper ready, so if they got their dossier in now, there would only be two families ahead of them. In the next month that will change a bit as several families are getting close.”
If you are interested, let me know and I’ll pass on their contact information.
Wow, that’s great. What agency do you use?
Jewish Family & Children Services in Philadelphia (they are licensed throughout the country). You don’t need to be Jewish to work with them. Their number is 215-673-0100 – speak with Lisa at extension 139 – tell her you are the person I emailed her about.
Hi Steve,
Just discovered your blog and went through your experiences. I understand it must be tough, and I hope the bad days lead to the brighter ones. All the best to you and your wife!
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